Inside my head (it can be a strange place)

July 30, 2010 by Jacquie

Since having a child, I have come up with some pretty bizarre scenarios for things that could go wrong. I’m beginning to wonder if I am really paranoid, really strange or really paranoid and really strange…

For it’s scenarios such as these that pepper my thoughts from time to time: when I have my daughter in a grocery cart and return to my car after exiting the grocery store, do I put the baby in the car first and then the groceries or the other way around? If I put her in first, and then I get hit by a car when returning the cart to the corral, will EMS know to look in my car for a baby if I am unconscious?

Another example, when my husband is out of town, my paranoia turns up full throttle. Before I had a baby, I used to lock our bedroom door at night when he would travel. But now I can’t lock the bedroom door if my sleeping daughter down the hall is completely exposed to potential burglars. Should I bring her into bed with me and lock us both in my bedroom knowing neither of us will sleep well but that we’ll be safer behind a locked door?

And finally, when we turn on our attic fan, we need the windows open so air can circulate. But what if by leaving my 16-month-old daughter’s bedroom window slightly open, she (who has never climbed out of her crib before) somehow scaled her crib railing, ran to the window, hoisted  herself up, knocked out the screen and base jumped down to the grass below?

I realize by revealing hypothetical scenarios such as these that you are getting a peek under the curtain at the odd goings-on in my head. I suspect, though, that  I am not alone in my worrying ways. Any other moms ever conjure up what-ifs like these?

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Where I’ll be Wednesday at noon

July 26, 2010 by Jacquie

On Facebook, a friend recently asked if anyone had advice for her as she returned to work following maternity leave. A slew of comments (including one from me) followed. Seems everyone has thoughts on this transitional time. One of the comments I particularly enjoyed was one that read “spend a lot of time with your work spouse.” I am not sure if I liked it because a.) it’s true or b.) I like the term “work spouse.” Either way, my comment to her was somewhat similar — spend a lot of time with other working parents.

This was one of the recommendations made to me when I was going back to work after 12 weeks off with Baby Blue. Go to lunch with other working moms. Share your ups and downs. And I have. And I do. And I will continue to do so — that is if I ever take a lunch again. Seems we in corporate America have gotten away from actually acknowledging the lunch hour. We almost need it forced on us as if we were second graders being herded to the cafeteria by our homeroom teachers. Otherwise, the temptation of doing e-mail or reviewing a report while eating a sandwich in front of our computers somehow trumps enjoying the beautiful sunny days that are way too few if you live in the Mitten. While I know it’s illogical to do the former, somehow I typically do, and that’s so not how I want to live my life!

So, I was glad to learn of a movement (again via Facebook) urging America to “Take Back Your Lunch.” In a nutshell, the movement encourages workers across America to actually take their full lunch hour every Wednesday this summer if on no other day during the week (although it’s an encouraged practice for every day). The idea is that by logging off, workers will come back from lunch more energized and ready to be more productive than if they had lunched at their desk.

So in typical corporate America fashion, I’ve blocked the Wednesday lunch hour off  on my Outlook calendar so I’ll be reminded to take back my lunch for at least one day this week. If you’re in the area (Birmingham, MI) and want to take back your lunch while I take back mine — let’s meet up. Weather permitting, I’ll be in Shain Park!

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*#!% happens

July 21, 2010 by Jacquie

The other day my husband turned to me and said, “Did you ever in your life think you’d be surrounded by so much poop?” Between our two big dogs (a full grown lab and golden retriever) and a young toddler, we see more than our fair share of the “big P” on a daily basis. It’s so much a part of our daily routine that I am not even phased by it anymore. As Forrest Gump and the bumper sticker so adequately communicate “shit happens.”

Hard to believe my relaxed attitude given that I literally threw up on my parents’ lawn when, around age seven or so, I took on the task of scooping up the dog messes in the yard at my parents’ request.

Today, I barely bat an eye as I change a third dirty diaper or scoop up 12 messes in the backyard as I do on just about any given weekend. While I would hardly call these tasks pleasant, they are part of the package, and I willingly take them for the hours of fun my canine pals provide and the sheer joy our little girl brings to our lives.

Would that all the world’s occupants experience the joy of so much sh%# in their life. Might make this world an even more wonderful place to be!

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Be happy…

July 14, 2010 by Jacquie

…Meghan says so!


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Did I Tell You?

July 13, 2010 by Jacquie

I found something the other day that I can’t stop looking at. For all of you moms with daughters going off to college or just leaving college–heck for any mom, this find makes a great gift for your little, or not so little, girl. It did when my mom presented it to me 10 years ago.

“Did I Tell You?” by Elizabeth Knapp is a short booklet of what one mom hopes for her daughters. She shared it with the world so that people like my mom would find it and give it to daughters like me. This week I’ve found myself looking at it repeatedly at various times, and I feel that even at age 32, ten years out of college and in the work force, it still offers valuable guidance for me as a daughter, a mother and a woman.

It starts,

“Now that you are almost grown, I look back and ask myself, ‘Did I tell you’?” Did I tell you all that I meant to tell you, all that I felt was important. Did I tell you, or was it lost in the shuffle of our everyday lives, the busy full days when we taught and didn’t know it. What did we teach? Was it strong? Was it good? Will it root you in something real that will allow you to grow with a firm and sound foundation? Did I tell you…”

Ms. Knapp goes on to share her hopes and advice for her daughters on love, on thoughtfulness and on courtesy. For example, she writes:

“Did I tell you to be courteous not to display empty manners with no meaning but to live the courtesy born of caring. And to express this caring through the small formalities and customs born of the years.”

She continues to share her thoughts on being bold, on being cautious, on service, on maintaining a sense of the past and on nature. On this she writes,

“Did I tell you to find a part of nature that speaks to you then know it intimately and well. For some it is a mountain peak, for some a windswept beach. Find your own and in it find your restoration.”

She concludes by sharing her hopes for her daughters on laughing, on dancing, on singing, on creativity and on the joy and challenge of being a woman.

This last point is worth sharing in its entirety:

“And did I tell you the joy and challenge of being a woman. The joy and challenge of having a child…knowing and sharing a new life. The joy of making a home…the center but not the limit for the lives of those you love. The joy of exploring a third dimension…a world of your own discovering and fulfilling your own capabilities.”

I love the phrase “the joy of exploring a third dimension.” I’m not sure exactly what Ms. Knapp was getting at, but that’s precisely what I like about it. I think the third dimension just might be that part of us that is separate from our roles as mom, daughter, wife or friend. It might be that part of us that still wants ice cream simply because it tastes great.  It’s that part of us that still holds dreams for where our life might go. It’s that part of us that gazes in wonder at nature’s beauty. It’s that part of us that finds a booklet from her mom and hopes that she’s living a life that makes her proud.

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A naptime discovery

July 1, 2010 by Jacquie

During my daughter’s record three-and-a-half hour nap on Sunday, I organized four kitchen drawers and two kitchen cabinets. I packaged up old bottles and pacifiers in a bin for storage in the basement. I staked our eight tomato plants. I pulled weeds from between the cracks of the bricks in our garden. I folded two loads of laundry. I called my mom. I sent an e-mail. I cleaned the kitchen. I straightened up the upstairs bath and bedrooms.

And after all that, I still had time to look through old journals that I had stumbled upon in our guest room. I love the little treat of reading a journal entry logged when I was in the fourth grade and then turning to another journal and reading an entry from when I was in my early 20s, single and living in the city. Frighteningly, my handwriting had not changed much.

While thumbing through a journal from the latter period of my life, out fell about 20 pieces of loose paper covered with my chicken scratch and lots of dates. I knew at once what the words on these pages were meant to communicate — the five things I was grateful for on each of the dates listed. As I thought back, I recalled what — or rather who — got me started with this ritual — Oprah. During an episode of her show back in the day, she had explained that each night, she recorded five things that she was grateful for that day into a journal at her bedside. Even on her not so good days, she’d make a point to jot down even five seemingly minor or mundane things that made her happy or made her day that much better. She said this ritual had changed her life.

So I tried it. And I even stuck with it for close to a year. The sheets of paper I now held were entertaining, and at times moving, to review these nine years later.

On the entertaining front, I smiled as I came across these entries: on April 3, 2001, I was grateful for a scone my co-worker Leslie gave me. On December 4th, I was grateful to be recognized by name by the manager at Cosi. On November 17th, I was grateful for beers with Jamie and Filip. On April 15th, I was thankful for the nice lady at Radio Shack. And on March 28th, I was thankful for some guy smiling at me at the gym.

On the more moving front, on November 11th, 12th, 13th and 14th, 2001, I was grateful for hope. On March 15th, I was grateful for a chat with my grandma. On February 20th, I was grateful for the support of my friends. On January 10th, I was grateful for a healthy newborn nephew. And on the list pretty much every day that I recorded my “five things,” I was thankful for my mom and dad and some gesture they made on my behalf.

In reviewing these entries on Sunday, and again later as I drafted this post, I was overwhelmed by the support of friends, family and kind strangers played out in these pages. What a great little ritual. I wonder why I ever stopped. So, I bet you can guess what I’ve been doing since Sunday in a half full journal I found in my desk.

I don’t know if this daily ritual will change my life as it did Oprah’s, but what if it does?

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Making a memory

June 16, 2010 by Jacquie

One of my favorite movies of childhood was the original version of “The Parent Trap” starring Hayley Mills. I’ve watched it dozens of times. There’s a scene during which Susan (portraying her sister Sharon after the famous switcharoo) hugs her maternal grandfather whom she is meeting for the first time. As they embrace, she sniffs his lapel repeatedly. He inquires as to why, and she responds that she’s “making a memory.” She continues, “All my life, when I’m quite grown-up I will always remember my grandfather and how he smelled of…tobacco and peppermint.”

Making a memory–I’ve always liked that phrase. It’s not often that, when in the midst of a happy moment, I stop to think about how this encounter, exchange or occurrence will be filed away as a happy memory. On those rare occasions that I do, I smile at the realization that I’m living in a memory at that very moment.

I had one of those experiences over the weekend while visiting my sister. We don’t get to see each other nearly enough, as about 250 miles separate us. And now we’re both moms of toddlers meaning that our encounters are all the more special as our months-apart little ones get to know each other while we watch in wonder. During our visit, we had both kids in the car together for the first time. Oh we’ve caravaned before, but this was the first time they were in the car together with both moms present. Strapped in side by side, Benjamin and Meghan looked like two peas in a pod as they exchanged shy glances. We were headed to an art fair–moms upfront, babies in back.

As we pulled out of the garage, my sister cued up a  tune from the car’s CD player. Without pause, I began singing the lyrics to “Six Little Ducks” as did my sister. Unbeknownst to us, we had the same toddler singalong CD. We laughed when we discovered we both knew every word to the song and could place the appropriate inflections and sound effects where they needed to be. And our little ones giggled in the back as we sang along to one of their favorite ditties.

I loved it–thick as thieves sisters who see each other only a handful of times a year and two cousins developing a lifelong bond–and I made a memory right then and there. Try it if you ever catch yourself in the midst of a memory-making moment. It’s kinda special.

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Bullies suck

May 19, 2010 by Jacquie

My parents visited the principal at my elementary school only one time. I was mortified and panicked on the eve of this meeting. And I hadn’t even done anything wrong. I suppose if I had been in their shoes and found my daughter choking back tears behind a desk in the living room, I would have been moved to do something similar. They were going to intervene on my behalf when a bully had me itching to change schools. The interesting thing was that the bully wasn’t even a student. It was a teacher.

The fact that they were going to this meeting together meant that they both were skipping work. Typically one or the other would handle school-related activities, but a united front meant business. I don’t think I could have stopped them. I’ll always remember being so worked up that they were going to the principal on my behalf, but I’ll always remember the way it made me feel loved because they did.

The bullying pretty much ceased after that meeting. The details aren’t important. Who hasn’t faced a bully at some point in their life? But what is important is that they knew it had to be stopped. And thankfully it was.

You read a lot about bullies these days, and they rarely resemble the big schoolyard bully that TV and movies regularly paint them to be. They’re classmates. In some cases, they’re friends. They’re bosses and co-workers. And they can be teachers, as in my case.

I know I was probably the bully in someone’s life at some point. If so, I am profoundly sorry. I don’t know what it is about treating people badly that can feel good, but I know how bad it can hurt a person’s self-esteem when the shoe is on the other foot.

Some may say that school-age bullying is a rite of passage. We must go through it so our character is shaped for the better. I say that’s a bunch of B.S.

As a mom of a one year old, I hope (and pray) I am doing the right things to set my daughter on a path to kindness. I am sure most parents feel this way. But if so, why do we still have bullies? At what point do our innocent wide-eyed babies become a “mean girl” or a “bad boy?” How do we stop that trend in its tracks?

I suspect, as with many things, it starts with the behavior we model in their presence. And believe me–I know I’m far from angelic. Perhaps one of the many reasons we are blessed with children is so that we have an ever present reminder that someone is always watching what we’re doing. This begs the question then: do we like what they’re seeing?

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The happy dance

April 26, 2010 by Jacquie

When my niece was four or five years old, she drew a photo of some people standing on the planet Earth, and her parents mailed the drawing in to the editors of “Yak,” (the kids’ section of the Detroit Free Press). Then my niece and her parents forgot all about it. That is until one morning several months later. My sister had already left for work. My brother-in-law was eating a bowl of cereal while reading the sports page. My niece sat across from him with the morning’s edition of “Yak,” when suddenly she  let out a gasp of excitement. “I’m in the paper! My drawing is in the paper!”

And sure enough it was. How appropriate that it was Earth Day! Her dad jumped up and embraced her. They danced around the kitchen. They called my sister on her cell phone. She quickly turned the car around and headed back home to join the happy dance. I wasn’t there, but I imagine it involved holding hands and jumping while circling the kitchen table.

I remember hearing this story at the time and thinking, “Wow! My sister really turned the car around for this?” It seemed a little extreme, as did the chatter about the Yak drawing that continued for the rest of the week among members of my family.

Fast forward nine years. I get a call at work. It’s my mom. “Meghan is in the paper!” she exclaims. I jump up. I ask questions. I look up the paper online. I can’t find it! I call my husband. I order him home. He scans the photo and sends it to my phone. I grin. I go back to work. I pull up the photo again a few minutes later. I grin again.

That night when I got home from work, the paper was displayed prominently on the kitchen table. I grabbed it and took in the photo of our little girl. And while the paper in question is a small weekly publication for residents of the Township, it might as well have been Time magazine for all the excitement it brought to our little family.

I then picked up our little girl and showed her the photo. She laughed at herself and the rather large plush duck she was hugging! Then she and I did our own happy dance around the kitchen.  Life does come full circle.

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WWBGD?

April 22, 2010 by Jacquie

This is the acronym I came across in an e-mail from my husband yesterday in response to something I sent him. I knew he was playing off the popular WWJD? (What Would Jesus Do?) idea, but I didn’t know what “BG” was supposed to stand for in his iteration of the question.

I thought about it for a moment. Then it came to me. What Would Baby Girl Do? “Baby Girl” is one of the many nicknames we have for our daughter. I laughed out loud when I realized his intent. And as I’ve thought more about it, he was totally on to something, and I’m now convinced I should be taking a page from Baby Girl’s example more often.

So just what exactly does Baby Girl do in response to the many activities going on in her life?

She laughs. Or Cries. She jumps up and runs to the window to see who’s at the door. Or she remains seated and makes the new visitor come to her. She walks with purpose in the intention of her heart’s desire (usually her sippie cup). Or she  throws said sippie cup completely across the room with a surprising strength (certainly not inherited from her mom).

In short, she knows what she wants, and she makes sure she gets it. Perhaps there is wisdom in her ways. She knows what she wants. She makes no qualms about it. She advances confidently in the direction of her desires. And she usually gets what she wants (sippie cup, a hug, blankie, to go outside). And she caps it all off by sleeping soundly at night eager and roaring to do it all over again the next morning.

Hmmmm…

Perhaps today mom learns from baby.

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